White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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