why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Screwed.edu
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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