i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
