I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
