Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
