My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
