We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
