All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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