Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
