in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
