Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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