Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
