im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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