I love black thongs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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