3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
