its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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