this beer tastes like vomit already
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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