just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
