This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
