I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
