did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
