It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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