Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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