ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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