Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
