we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
