Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
