Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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