U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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