Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
