like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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