I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
