We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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