Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
