she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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