I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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