so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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