Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
