What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
