when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Drunk walkin through police station. America
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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