I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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