He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
