im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
