Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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