Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
