I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
