come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
