I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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