No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
