I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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