You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
